Make Yourself Happy
Written by Editor // 01/24/2012 // DEATH BY DOMESTICATION, Featured // 10 Comments
I’ve talked plenty about food and exercise in relation to your health and weight. Since looking and being healthy is a pie made up of many pieces, I thought I would use this opportunity to talk about a piece I don’t get to touch on often. It seems that these two topics have been coming up over and over in my “relationship conversations” with friends. I don’t know very much, but I’m starting to put some ideas into focus that I think have some universal truth to them.
I’ve been married for 14 years, and I’ve been with my husband Laird for over 15. I have a step-daughter who is now 16 (so I have been with her dad for pretty much her entire life), and we have 2 daughters. My older daughter lives with her mother and is only with us part of the time. I feel very close to her. That is my family dynamic.
I believe my husband and I have a fairly happy relationship. We are both intense and not your light-and-airy-type personalities to start with. We have a mutual respect for each other, and as different as we are is as similar as we are. Like all couples, we have our “disagreements” and have even had times that were very trying.
The first of the two truths that keep coming up is that I have to worry about myself. What does that mean? I take care of my family and my home, but at a certain point, I have to make sure I have a life. I hate to keep calling out the girls in my articles but since I am one, I don’t feel so bad. Ladies, we have a tendency to give up ourselves and our lives (with good reason-families are demanding). Then we focus so much on the other people close to us in our lives and what they are doing that it makes everyone crazy-the man, the children, and the woman. At a certain point we have to put that energy into what we like and how we want to be spending our time. Not “When are you coming home?” and “Why do you have to spend so much time playing golf?” Nightmare.
I believe part of the success of my relationship is due to the fact that I have my own life filled with passions that represent me. Not being his “wife” or my daughter’s “mom.” No wonder ladies get bitter and feel like they are getting the short end of the stick. It’s hard not to let yourself get consumed by everyone else’s life. You have to do it. I find that the people who do maintain a personal self are happier and more relaxed towards their families. Who wants to live up someone’s butt? I can see how easy it is to make all the excuses in the world about how much time things take up, etc., and who has the time? But you have to make the time and effort. What is the real alternative? After all, the bottom line is, and you’ve heard it before, you have to make yourself happy. No person or thing can do it for you.
The second thing that I am trying to improve at, and I struggle with daily, is not to take it personally. Hey, if my husband is in a pissy mood, it may not have to do with me or how he feels about me, or our life together. He may just be in a bad mood. I think it’s a critical lesson to learn that not everything has to do directly with us, so why do we take it to heart? It should be like water off a duck’s back. It’s quite possible that we might just be an actor in someone else’s play, and it’s not our show at all. Believe me, it’s so hard not to take it personally in love, at work, or in traffic. I find that the more I don’t take it personally, the quicker I can move through situations instead of getting caught up in all the minutia. As people we thrive on drama, but finding ways to cut some of the drama out would give us more time to focus on ourselves and our own lives.
Now I know you’re asking yourself, “What does this have to do with health and fitness?” If you can master or at least work on this stuff, you will have so much more energy in your life to exercise. You’ll figure out that “your health and training” is a priority for you. So you see, it all comes back around to the gym, the scale, the food, and how you look.
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10 Comments on "Make Yourself Happy"
I agree with this so much.
My motto is” Don’t let it steal YOUR joy”.
Balance in everything.
I love it. The whole ‘when are you coming home’ nightmare is exactly how I don’t want to be living. Get a life, pursue my dreams and everyone is happy – kids and hubby. In fact, hubby can go golfing if he wants because I’m busy enjoying MY life. Everything just flows . . .
Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been feeling lately. In my case, it is my retired husband who is the “girl” in this story. It is a huge responsiblity to be someone’s sole source of entertainment and sometimes I need a break. I’ve joined a gym for some “me” time along with no-spouse ski trips with my buds!
I have 2 opposites in my home. My husband who is oblivious to everything, and my grama who thinks that every thing is her fault.
My husbands tooth ache was some how her fault. ha ha
The loud noise in the kitchen when she is in the living room is some how her fault. haha
It goes on and on. I am some where in the middle. I like what m said. “Don’t let it steal your joy”
Thank you for discussing it openly.
Wow! Amazing and honest! And I think, just what I needed to hear at this exact moment. Where is MY life outside of my family. I have completely lost myself. And I am not quite sure where to begin the search…
Perfect timing for this reminder…THANK YOU, Gabby! I have been taking care of my husband, who is terminally ill, for the past 11 months. Even though I am “on duty” 24/7, I still make sure to carve out time for me. NECESSARY!!! Exercise is key-
Wow. This has touched on so much and could relate to so many people in my life, including myself, my new fiance, my best friend, my sister….etc. Great blog. Thanks for sharing and expressing!
Gabby
well said! i think we all forget to take responsability for our own happiness and start relying on everyone else and everything else to make US HAPPY!!! big big MISTAKE!!!! being happy at home, in your relationship has a huge impact on your feel good hormone and how you look after yourself so yes it does have everything to do with health and fitness!
Relationships are not easy but we can all work on it and it’s so true when you say ” you shouldn’t leave someone else’s life or dreams” you have to live your own, you need a life and you still need to be an individual in a relationship, it’s easy to be happy but we keep on making it complicated!!! happy 2012 to you all xx
Just happened to be thinking about Gabby and how things were going and googled your name leading me to this website. I’ve been on it before but it’s been a while. Anyway, love this blog entry. I’ve always admired you for how dedicated you are to working on yourself physically and emotionally. Plus, at 5’11″, I latched on to you as a role model for tall women (for myself) years ago. Both of the things you wrote of are so true. We do have to make ourselves happy and taking things personally can be murder. Ironically, I’m better at not taking things personally than I am at making time for myself. I’m a new-ish mom with a 14 month old and another on the way in 3 weeks and I feel like I’ve entered into a life that I haven’t had time to really think about. I moved to a new state to be closer to parents whom I haven’t had the closest relationship with, fell in love and married and had kids all in a 3 year window. The ground hasn’t settled under my feet yet. I am just trying to figure out how best to connect ot my new identities as mother, wife and daughter. I’ve been working on it and will continue to do so. Thank you for the timely post
Such wonderful words of wisdom. Your whole website is full of such useful information and resources. Crystal sent the video of your boat trip to me on facebook. How exciting!.
I am going to follow your workouts and nutrition ideas. I am inspired. Keep up the great work that you do and keep enjoying your life as YOU, a wife and a mother.